Trust

I often thought that I should trust others more.

After spending years without letting a soul into my little world, it finally dawned on me a few years ago that I was going to die alone if I didn’t let some of the people in my world to get closer.

Trust is earned, right?

Easier said than done…

I used to be pretty callous.  Very few people, if any, really knew real me at all.  I liked it that way.  It was easier to get disappointed later if I didn’t put much stock in the person(s) I knew were going to hurt me in the end. 

Yet another example of that “Great Wall” that I built around myself.

So I started working on letting the “me” out of the box. 

It started with my wife, who now is my best friend.  I began sharing thoughts, ideas, plans, past events.  Things that I wasn’t proud of.  Things that I wanted to be but didn’t have the guts to do it.  Dreams, aspirations, regrets, and sorrows.  I started to lay them all out there.  The good, the bad and the ugly.

Holy crap, some of it was ugly.

Guess what?  She started reciprocating.  She was telling me more about herself than she’d ever thought of sharing.

Together we became liberated.  Knowing each other on an intimate level.

It feels really good to be yourself…  Especially with someone you love.

So, how do you start?

TRUST.

Trusting Those You Love

Many years I hid from family and friends.  Those who’s opinions mattered the most to me were kept at arms length so that the damage they’d cause wouldn’t affect me.  If they hurt me, the impact was minimal at best. 

And I didn’t have to answer for my sins that way either.  Just locked myself away from the rest of the world.  It’s much easier to do what you want if no one is there to critique you.  Especially if your favorite pass time is “screwing up”.

Some of these people that should be close to you might be:

• Parents
• Children
• Extended Family
• Friends
• Spouse / Significant Other

Disclaimer:  Some, on occasion, will cause you harm and break that trust or bond.  I think some of those relationships are best left alone.  Not everyone is on your side.  Unfortunately some will prove that to you early.

But if you are not careful, you’ll apply that lesson you learned to every relationship you have from that point forward.

Just a piece of advice:  If you really value someone’s relationship, you owe it to them to let them see you for who you are!

If they can’t handle it, is it really your problem?

However, others can critique you, judge you and even hurt you at times out of love for you.  Sometimes their efforts are misguided, but you get the idea that their intentions are good. 

These people need to be in your life more.

If you get the feeling that they have your interests at heart and accept you for who you are, foster that trust with them and let them in.

The worst they can do is hurt you.  Like that’s never happened!  (And it will happen again, just so you know).

Your trust is the ultimate gift you can give anyone that you are close to. 

It’s something that will likely be held in high esteem once earned.  And will be sorely missed if lost.

The pleasure of connecting is far more worth the effort than spending your life worrying over some pain.

Trust Yourself

I have to be cautious here.  Some of my old programming from years past will creep back into play if I don’t guard against it. 

When life gets challenging, my response is usually “hunker down and hide”.  Weather out the storm, if you will. 

First things first, when trusting yourself.

You’ve got to know yourself.

Just like those mentioned before, you’ve probably betrayed yourself.  You’ve disappointed yourself.  Hurt yourself.

You’ve got to define who you are and learn to love yourself. 

Forgive yourself.

Then start trusting yourself.

That’ll be the next post!

Learning to trust yourself…

See you next week…

~Uppie